


All Is Fair in Love, War, and Dibs

by orphan_account



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Bisexual Male Character, Drunken Flirting, ESPECIALLY not drunk, First Kiss, Fluff, Gay Male Character, Getting Together, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I don't know how to tag this, I'll probably add more tags later but whatever, Kissing, M/M, Tags Are Hard, Underage Drinking, kind of except Evan can't flirt for the life of him, pining (sort of), the famous computer lab scene, the insanely cool Jared Kleinman makes an appearance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-12
Updated: 2017-08-12
Packaged: 2018-12-14 11:30:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11782230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Drunk Evan is very confident, drunk Jared is a good wingman, and sober Connor is just trying to figure things out.(or: the drunk fic that I would say everyone wanted but really it's just me who wanted it)





	All Is Fair in Love, War, and Dibs

**Author's Note:**

> hi and welcome to another episode of "I wrote this in 20 minutes and have no real reason to post it online but I'm gonna do it anyways" so yeah this is trash but thanks for giving me a chance
> 
> this fic was inspired by the dialogue prompt: "all is fair in love, war, and dibs"  
> note: the author does not endorse underage drinking  
> I hope you enjoy!!
> 
> sincerely,  
> me.

Tonight was Zoe Murphy’s party. Jared was invited just because he would’ve found out about it anyway. Evan was invited (more like dragged there) because Jared needed car insurance.

“How you feeling?” Jared asked, a bit tipsy.

“Anxious. V-very anxious.” Evan was trying not to cry. The noise, the lights, and the suffocating amount of people around him were getting to be too much. 

“You know what can fix that? Alcohol. The key to world peace!” He handed Evan a beer.

“Jared, I don’t… I’m driving you home, r-right?”

“It’s fine,” Jared said, dragging out the word “fine”, “we’ll get a ride from someone else! Drink up, Ev!” He said before chugging the rest of his drink.

 _It’s not like_ one _beer will kill me,_ thought Evan, _besides, this stuff is supposed to calm you down, right?_ Evan took a sip of his drink, finding it wasn’t as bad as he thought it would be. _Just one beer._

* * *

Evan had _a lot_ more than one beer. Currently, he was sitting on a couch with Jared; limbs flung everywhere, both of them incredibly drunk. Neither of them knew how they got there, but they didn’t want to move.

“So how do you feel NOW?” Jared yelled over the music.

“I feel…floaty! But…I’m not floating!” At this Evan erupted in giggles.

“Evan Hansen s’ wasted!” Jared slurred as he lazily dropped a hand on his shoulder. Evan started to giggle even more. They continued their drunken “conversation” until they noticed someone else had entered the room.

Connor Murphy, Evan’s longtime crush, came downstairs. It seemed like he just needed to talk to Zoe for a second, so there’s no reason for Evan to get up, right? Besides, he would never be able to work up the courage to talk to him anyway.

Unless, of course, all of his anxiety was magically stripped away, like it was at that moment.

Evan stood up, stumbling a bit but grabbing the edge of the couch.

“Where are you going?” Jared whined. “Don’t leave!”

Evan leaned in to Jared and half-whispered, “see him?” He pointed in a direction nowhere close to Connor, but Jared got the idea.

“Ooh, Ev’s gonna get laid! Good pick, I want him too.”

“No! I call dibs! Now wish me luck,” said Evan as he walked off, nearly falling with every step. When he finally made it to Connor, his back was facing Evan. Evan cleared his throat, which got his attention.

“Hello. I saw that you are very handsome and you are at the same party I am,” Evan said, trying to speak slowly but still slurring, “look, I’m very gay and very drunk, and I wanna kiss you. Deal?” Evan stood there, swaying a side to side a bit.

“Hmm, it’s a tough one, but I’m gonna have to pass. I don’t kiss drunk guys.” Connor said, stifling a laugh.

“Then sober! Promise. I’ll be sober soon. Kiss me then.” Evan was refusing to give up. His drunk brain was foggy but he knew one thing: he _definitely_ needed to be with Connor.

“Sober. Deal.” Connor laughed and went back to his room.

“Jared! Jared, I got him!” Evan said as he fell back onto the sofa.

“Damn! I was gonna go for him if you didn’t,” Jared laughed, trying to give Evan a high five but missing.

“Too late now! I called dibs, and now he’s gonna kiss me! After I’m sober, which might be a really really really long time…” Evan giggled.

Jared starting laughing with him. “Fuck you!” he said, clearly not meaning it.

Evan flung his arms open wide with a grin. “All is fair in love, war, and dibs.”

* * *

Evan woke up the next day with a massive hangover but no memory of his interaction with Connor. That is, until Jared texted him.

 **jared:** so, when are you and murphy gonna hook up?

Memories came flooding back as Evan realized he had embarrassed himself in front of his crush and made the worst first impression ever. 

 **evan:** OH SHIT JARED I DIDN’T MEAN THAT WHAT DO I DO

 **jared:** count your breaths. I’ll be there in 10

 **evan:** how did u know I’m having an attack

 **jared:** you cursed.

* * *

Evan didn’t know how to feel the Monday after that party. He decided he realistically would never talk to Connor again, but that’s fair because he probably never would’ve gotten this far if it weren’t for outrageous amounts of alcohol. Everything would be fine as long as Evan avoided Connor.

He had managed to stay away from him until towards the end of the day, when he was in the computer lab printing out a therapy letter. His anxiety had improved enough that Dr. Sherman didn’t require him to write the letters anymore, but sometimes it was comforting to release his thoughts on paper.

“Um, so, how’d you break you arm?” Evan froze. He knew that voice.

He turned around to face Connor Murphy, his face going red as he mentally decided not to mention anything that happened during his sister’s party. Maybe Connor would decide that he was just drunk and Evan didn’t actually want to make out with his soft-looking lips and someday play with his hair and count the freckles on his cheeks and gaze into his beautiful eyes and oh God Evan stop having gay thoughts.

“I, uh, I fell out of a t-tree.”

“You fell out of a tree? Well that’s just, the saddest fucking thing I’ve ever heard.” Connor said, smiling slightly.

“Oh my God, I know.” Evan said, but it came out more like “OhmyGodIknow”

“Uh, no one’s signed your cast.”

“Oh, um, yeah…” Evan said, not knowing exactly how to respond.

“Well I’ll sign it. Do you have a Sharpie?” With shaky hands Evan pulled a black pen from his pocket and handed it to Connor, who then wrote “CONNOR” in large letters that took up half his cast. 

“Oh…thanks…?” Evan said, examining the signature. He started to leave the computer lab when Connor spoke up again.

“Hey, is this yours? ‘Dear Evan Hansen,’ that’s your name.” Connor said with Evan’s letter in his hand.

“Oh, um, y-yeah, that’s um, if you could just p-please give –“

“’Because there’s Connor,’” Connor interrupted, speaking quietly, “’who I don’t even know and who doesn’t know me, who never will notice me because of that stupid party?’ Evan, I…”

“Oh, um, j-just please give it back, I – uh – please. I didn’t mean t-that, at the p-party, I-I mean I –“

“You printed this because you knew I would find it.” Connor interrupted again.

“W-what? I, what?”

“Yeah, you saw that I was the only one in the computer lab… and you wrote this so I could read some creepy shit about me and freak out, right? So you can tell everyone that I’m crazy!” Connor was yelling now, with Evan trying to explain but barely able to get a word in edgewise. “Was that whole thing a joke, at the party? Did Kleinman set that up? Was that even real?” Connor cursed under his breath, both of them realizing what he just implied. That Connor wanted it to be real.

“I, I did mean that at the party. I want to b-be with you, and I n-never would’ve said anything i-if it weren’t f-for, you k-know, the alcohol.” he let out a slight laugh.

“Uh… I want to be with you, too? I’ve had a crush on you for longer than I can remember, but all this time I thought you were straight.” Connor said, cautiously stepping towards Evan. 

Evan bridged the remainder of the gap, his face close to Connor’s.

“In that case, I believe we had a deal…” he whispered, a surge of confidence taking over. Connor nodded, a smirk playing on his lips as he kissed Evan. They stayed there, tentatively and slowly moving their lips against the other, until Evan pulled away slightly.

“Screw it.” he muttered before balling his fists in the taller boy’s sweatshirt and pulling him in again, kissing a little bit harder this time. Connor crumpled up Evan’s letter and threw it over his shoulder before placing his hands around Evan’s waist and pressing their bodies together.

Connor was the first to speak after they broke apart.

“So, can we make this deal again sometime?” Evan lightly punched Connor’s shoulder as they both chuckled.

“I’m so glad I called dibs instead of Jared.” Connor looked confused but shrugged it off, thinking that anything that had to do with Evan _instead of_ Jared was worth it.

“Damn, Hansen, me too!” Speaking of Jared.

The boys turn to see Jared Kleinman, standing in the corner with his cell phone out, recording the whole exchange.

“So when’s the wedding?”

“JARED!"

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!  
> comments and kudos are appreciated!! thanks to everyone who leaves comments and kudos. y'all truly make my day and inspire me to write more. I would die for each and every one of you.


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